Into The Fire
by Miss Peg
Summary: It's been two years since Grace Van Pelt shot Craig O'Laughlin and nothing much has changed, after a difficult start to a new case she finds herself questioning everything until her life unravels and she's forced to make some difficult decisions. Rated T for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Into The Fire  
**Author:** **miss_peg**  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:** It's been two years since Van Pelt shot Craig O'Laughlin and nothing much has changed, after a difficult start to a new case she finds herself questioning everything until her life unravels and she's forced to make some difficult decisions.  
**Notes:** I've not been writing very well/easily for a while not but I'm slowly getting back into it. I'm sure this one will have its flaws, but it's a stepping stone that I need to use before I can get back to a better place. Written for the 50 Titles challenge on Paint It Red, if you're up for a challenge, then you should check it out (don't be put off by the 50, there are smaller challenges available)!

The body lay at the bottom of a ravine twenty minutes off the road. Van Pelt sat in the back of the Park Ranger's off-road buggy as they travelled along a trail barely wide enough for a bicycle let alone any emergency vehicles. The last thing she wanted to do on an average Monday morning was travel to the middle of nowhere with little more than a cell phone without signal and a bottle of water. The sun was already high in the sky making the day insufferable.

Lisbon sat up front with Ranger Sue, talking about the case and though Van Pelt knew she should have listened to every fine detail from the back, her mind was drifting off to the last time she'd been so far away from civilisation. She'd been delirious after suffering a car wreck and had sole responsibility over a suspect which made the situation difficult. What made it even harder was the fact her mind decided to hallucinate her deceased fiancé. It had been nearly two years since she'd shot him dead, a fact that she struggled to forget. He'd been the one man she put her trust in, accepting his proposal without much need for thought, and the idea of spending the rest of her life with him had given her a reason to get up each morning beyond her job. Two years did little to stem the pain of how that relationship ended.

She let out a long, heavy sigh which caught Lisbon's attention. If she hadn't been in the middle of listening to Sue explain about illegal hunters in the forest, Van Pelt suspected that she would have been reprimanded for her disinterest. She still would be once they returned to the CBI and Lisbon had more time to deal with her. The very thought made Van Pelt's stomach churn, or maybe it was the speed at which they were travelling along unsteady ground. Travelling backwards had never suited Van Pelt, the rare train journeys that resulted in a backward seat always left her a little queasy.

The job mattered more to Van Pelt than she sometimes cared to admit, in her first few weeks she'd tried too hard which resulted in ridicule and mistakes. She'd dreamt for a long time of becoming a cop, the fact she'd made it and managed to progress into a more specialised field was something she was incredibly proud of. Even if neither of her parents understood where she got the desire to catch criminals from; her dad had never owned a gun and her sister was a chef, an occupation a far cry from her own.

'Here,' said Sue, pulling the buggy to a very abrupt stop which sent Van Pelt hurtling across the seat. She reached an arm out to steady herself.

Jumping out of the buggy, Van Pelt stumbled forwards, her legs a little wobbly from the ride. When she found her land legs again, Van Pelt followed Lisbon across the terrain towards the bottom of a rock face. There were no ropes which meant the victim hadn't been climbing, the only pieces of equipment she could see was a satchel filled with water, a bag of trail mix covered in ants and a map. Experience of camping as a child told her that the victim was a novice.

'We found a campsite a couple of miles west, she seemed to be following the trail along the river but somehow went off course. We found no identification, she paid by cash and there's no record of a booking ahead of her arrival.'

'So we've got a Jane Doe and no chance of finding the killer?' asked Van Pelt, turning away from the crime scene and looking out across the woodland. Some cases felt like a complete waste of time. The woman probably got lost and slipped on a rock. They should have been out there trying to catch murderers, not careless tourists.

'My colleague heard gunshots a couple hours ago, he thought they were coming from down by the lake but it's hard to tell in these parts. He found a handful of gun casing up top.'

'I'm going to need to see those,' said Lisbon, taking notes.

Van Pelt glanced up at the ridge as Lisbon took a walk around the body. She finally turned her attention back to her superior; it was only when her eyes followed Lisbon's across to a number of bullet wounds that the case became more interesting. She crouched down beside the body and analysed the pattern of the wounds, an almost perfect circle around her heart and one much larger in the centre.

'She has a head injury,' said Van Pelt, slipping on a glove as she moved towards the head. She traced a gloved finger across an area of dried red sand, a couple of shades darker than the natural clay dirt. 'My guess is they knocked her unconscious and then shot her. The largest wound was probably at close range.'

When Van Pelt stood up she found Lisbon watching her with a smile on her face, a sign that she'd done good. Being the rookie had always been difficult for her, never having enough responsibility no matter how much she felt she deserved. Being allowed out into the field had grown more frequent until Craig's death had hit her hard. She didn't want to think anymore of him, but couldn't help it. If it wasn't for him her career would be progressing nicely. First the FBI accused her of knowing about her future husband's allegiances with Red John to the point of threatening to lay charges against her for his death, then the intense feelings she held over his betrayal almost consumed her. Her anger issues very nearly caused her to destroy her career; instead she took a few tentative steps backwards. Two years later and Lisbon only just trusted her to do her job without the watchful eye of one of her colleagues, especially since anger had become more prevalent in her normalcy.

Another buggy pulled up with a trailer on the back; Sue's colleague, Rigsby and the medical examiner jumped out. Van Pelt held up a hand in greeting as Rigsby listened to Lisbon's instructions.

'I want you and Van Pelt to take the trail back to the campsite, I got Sue to set you up with the right equipment so that you won't get lost. We're looking for any clues on what happened along the trail. There's illegal hunters out there, someone was firing earlier, so keep on your guard. Luka's going to take you to the nearest access route; I'm going with Sue to the top of the ridge to see what we can find there.'

Rigsby nodded and took the day pack from the other ranger; Van Pelt joined him on the back of the buggy as they travelled along through the park. They retraced their steps until they reached a crossroads where they veered off in the opposite direction.

'You look as bad as I feel,' said Rigsby, with a hand on his stomach. Van Pelt smiled weakly.

Once the ranger had dropped them off and sent them in the right direction they were alone. Van Pelt walked along slowly, taking in the surroundings. Maybe it wasn't so bad being out in the park, regardless of the strength of the sun as it moved higher in the sky; Van Pelt had never visited the park before and was enjoying the tranquillity. Rigsby remained equally silent for a while.

'Guess this is better than being cooped up in the office all day,' he said.

'Got the map?' she asked.

He handed her the folded route plan, Van Pelt traced her finger along the dirt track they'd been following. It seemed pretty simple but longer than she would have hoped. She sipped on her water to conserve what little supplies they'd taken with them, emergency radio or no, the thought of being stranded in the forest made her a little uneasy. She folded the map back up and handed it to Rigsby.

'Thank you,' he said, though he sounded more sarcastic than appreciative. Van Pelt rolled her eyes and marched onwards.

They very rarely got to spend time together anymore, something which Van Pelt was relatively comfortable with. He had a lot more going on in life, his son needed all of his attention and their job was hardly low pressure. Still, the number of years they'd known each other, she sometimes felt like they were bordering on strangers now. She'd met little Ben a couple of times but only in passing and Rigsby very rarely invited her out for drinks, despite the fact he frequently visited a local bar with Cho.

'We need to take a left up here,' she said, pushing on along the left pathway.

'Wait,' said Rigsby, kneeling down at the fork and analysing the track. Van Pelt turned around with a sigh. Rigsby ignored her obvious frustration and pointed at the ground. 'There's track marks, I think someone's been through here on a motorcycle or dirt bike.'

Van Pelt shrugged. 'Probably kids, come on.'

'No, this is important.'

Van Pelt rested a hand on her hip as Rigsby refused her request, she stared at him in the hope she could get him to change his mind by annoying him. He never liked it when she looked at him; at least he didn't when it was for professional reasons. She gritted her teeth until Rigsby ignored her and snapped a couple of photographs with his phone. Van Pelt tapped her foot impatiently, she knew she was acting petulant but the sun was tiring her quickly and she didn't want to be out there all day photographing every little sign of life.

'Would you just relax,' said Rigsby, setting off down the path. Van Pelt sighed, remaining silent as Rigsby did the same.

Twenty minutes down the path and Van Pelt froze, her hand rising to Rigsby's arm in warning. A droning in the distance grew louder until the sound of tires, rustling along the ground, was getting closer close. They stood frozen to the spot, not saying a word.

'Get down,' shouted Van Pelt, pushing Rigsby between two trees as the person rode the dirt bike directly at them. They tumbled onto the floor.

'Now do you see why I wanted to stop?' said Rigsby as he climbed to his feet and dusted off his trousers.

His tone was playful but Van Pelt was feeling anything but in the mood for a joke. She could feel him on her tail as she marched off down the path in the opposite direction of the bike.

'Where are you going?'

'Where do you think?'

'We should be going after that guy,' said Rigsby, stepping in front of her.

Van Pelt stopped abruptly and stared up at him. 'We're here to find out as much as we can about what happened to the victim, not catch a lowlife on a dirt bike.'

'What if it's the killer?'

Before they could settle their disagreement, a shot fired in the distance. Rigsby and Van Pelt simultaneously pulled out their weapons and turned to face the direction the bike had gone in. Rigsby ran forwards with his gun out in front, Van Pelt sighed and followed, despite her apprehensions. Within moments the bike was hurtling towards them at full speed, the person on the back firing a gun in their direction.

'Grace,' Rigsby shouted turning on his tail. He reached for her hand and ran along the path.

Van Pelt followed him off the dirt track, their hands separating as they used their whole bodies to pick up speed through the dense woodland. They ran as fast as they could as the bike continued to follow, gun shots sounding around them. Adrenaline and fear pushed Van Pelt onwards as her heart beat loudly in her ears, she ducked under a branch, jumped over a rock and nearly skidded on a patch of undergrowth before she heard Rigsby go down beside her.

'Wayne,' she shouted, feeling considerably guilty for her ill-treatment as she ducked onto the ground, flattening herself against the floor. She dragged herself across the ground towards the day pack and pulled out the radio. 'Requesting urgent back up, we took a left off the track just before the fork, there's a gunman following us.'

A loud gunshot rang in her ears. Van Pelt rested her hands over her head, her breath slowing but not quickly enough. She lifted her head to find Rigsby's arms upright, his gun in his hands as the rider and their bike skidded across the ground. Van Pelt jumped to her feet, her gun up as she moved closer to the rider.

'Hands behind your head, roll on to your front,' she shouted, holding their hands together as she knelt on their lower back. 'You okay Rigsby?'

'Just,' he muttered, his hand resting against a wound on his right arm.

'It's okay, help will be here soon,' she assured him.

Luka's buggy pulled up on the trail as Van Pelt pushed the suspect towards it; she sat him down in the back seat and secured his wrists with her handcuffs.

'Gonna need your help,' she said. 'A bullet grazed Rigsby's arm, he's okay but he needs medical attention.'

Luka radioed ahead instructions for an ambulance. Van Pelt jogged back through the woodland towards where Rigsby sat against a tree. She knelt down beside him, adjusting the blood stained sleeve of his shirt as she waited for Luka to join her.

'You're going to be fine,' she assured him, though her voice wavered. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay,' he said, smiling back at her as she and Luka lifted him to his feet.

x

Back at the office, Van Pelt sat at her desk, her fingers tapping against her mouse mat as she stared at her phone. Rigsby promised to call as soon as he was done with the doctors. Lisbon had requested that they all return to the office and focus on any paper trails to avoid any further injury.

'It's not your fault.'

Van Pelt turned to find Jane staring at her from his couch, she tried to smile her appreciation but his words fell on deaf ears. No amount of assurance was going to change the fact that she'd acted like a petulant child and nearly got her best friend killed. Whether they saw each other outside of work or not, he was still important to her and treating him otherwise didn't help.

'I know,' she said.

'Liar.'

She shrugged. 'Does it matter?'

'It does when you doubt everything you've ever known.'

'No I don't.'

'Meh.'

Jane lifted his shoulders and rolled onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling before closing his eyes. Van Pelt didn't want to consider the things that she felt, she wasn't ready. A lot had happened in the last few years and no amount of pretending was going to change that. She tapped her fingers against the mouse mat again until Lisbon came out of her office with a smile on her face.

'Good news, Rigsby's going to be fine. He's taking a couple of days off but the bullet barely grazed him.'

Relief settled Van Pelt's fluttery stomach. All she'd been able to think about was whether Rigsby was okay, now that she knew of his safety; a flood of thoughts filled her mind.

'I have to go,' she whispered, to which Jane barely cracked open his eyes.

Van Pelt followed Lisbon to her office and knocked, standing in the open doorway a little lost.

'Yeah?'

'I'd like to make a request for some time off.'

Lisbon raised an eyebrow. 'Now isn't really a good time, Grace. I can't be two agents down.'

'I'll wait until Wayne's back,' she said, sitting down on Lisbon's couch. She stared at her fingers nervously.

'What's going on?' said Lisbon. 'You're not going on vacation, I presume.'

'No.'

'There's something wrong.'

Van Pelt nodded her head and lifted her gaze back up to Lisbon. She opted not to speak until Lisbon looked ready to fill in the silence.

'I've been thinking about it for a while now,' she said.

'You have accrued a lot of leave,' said Lisbon.

'Not about that.'

'Oh?'

'In a couple of weeks it'll be two years since Craig died.'

Lisbon laced her hands together across her stomach and showed signs of listening intently. Van Pelt appreciated the offering but there wasn't much she could do. Regardless, she leant forwards.

'I'd like to take some extended leave.'

Lisbon glanced at her computer for a moment, clicking her mouse before turning her attention back to Van Pelt. 'You have twenty days saved up.'

'Can I request some more?'

'Like a sabbatical?' asked Lisbon, raising an eyebrow in concern.

'I was thinking about a couple of months.'

'Is there anything I can do to help?'

'No,' she smiled weakly. 'I just need, some time.'

'I'll see what I can sort out. It may have to be unpaid past your accrued leave.'

'That's fine.'

'It'll take a couple of days, I should know by the time Rigsby comes back.'

Van Pelt stood up, her fingers shaking until she pressed them tightly against her pants. She didn't quite know what to do now; she had work to do, except that her mind was anywhere other than on the job.

'Thank you.'

She walked out of the office and wandered into the kitchenette, searching for a clean mug in order to make herself a coffee. Maybe she'd just sit in there for a while and think, it couldn't do any harm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Into The Fire  
**Author:** **miss_peg**  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:** It's been two years since Van Pelt shot Craig O'Laughlin and nothing much has changed, after a difficult start to a new case she finds herself questioning everything until her life unravels and she's forced to make some difficult decisions.  
**Notes:** I can't imagine there being much more of this story, perhaps one chapter, maybe two at a push. Thank you to tromana for reviewing part one.

The carnival had been in town for a week; with a busy schedule Van Pelt had little time to visit. Since her mind was elsewhere she didn't much care for a second night sitting around wallowing in thought and instead decided to venture out into the muggy night.

She always caught the carnival whenever it came to town, a habit she picked up from being a child. These days she liked to go in order to imagine what it was like for Jane growing up in such an environment. She liked to ride the Ferris wheel, get her fortune told and eat cotton candy to the point of feeling a little nauseous.

The carnival was busy with people of all ages making use of what was left of the day's light. Van Pelt always arrived just before nightfall in order to catch the twilight. The first thing she opted to do was buy a corndog, since she hadn't eaten much for dinner and was feeling considerably hungrier than she'd anticipated. She walked around for a while, taking in the atmosphere and watching families as they finished up their visit.

The fortune teller's small tent sat on the edge of the carnival between a couple of fairground rides. The sign made clear that someone was currently inside the tent, so Van Pelt stood by the entrance and watched a young girl coming off the Waltzer looking very ill, her father's arm wrapped around her shoulder as he guided her towards the restrooms. A situation she'd been in countless times herself.

As a man exited the fortune tellers tent, Van Pelt stepped forwards, a little cautious as she pushed aside the plastic fabric and moved on into the small makeshift room. Nerves fluttered about her stomach as she reached the young woman sitting behind a table. She motioned for Van Pelt to sit down.

If Jane had been beside her he'd have scoffed and told her what a waste of time and money it was visiting a supposed psychic, but she still wasn't sure that Jane was right. Just because he wasn't a real psychic, it didn't mean they didn't exist. Besides, the last time she had her fortune told, Craig had betrayed her just as the teller had informed her he would. He'd been sat beside her and though he tried to make her believe that the woman was an old hag with no idea what real love was all about, Van Pelt hadn't been able to let go of a feeling that she was somehow right and what happened afterwards only proved it further.

'You're not sure if you're a believer,' said the woman, her smile reaching the corners of her eyes.

'I have a friend who used to be a psychic.'

'Some people lose their sight,' she nodded, reaching her hands out. 'It's okay, I won't bite.'

Van Pelt rested her hands carefully on top of the woman's and let go of her conflicted feelings. She tried to put her trust into the woman, in the hope that she would help her to feel at least a little more decisive.

'There's a lot of cloud,' said the woman, her voice low and sombre. Van Pelt rolled her eyes but returned her focus quickly. 'You lost someone close to you a long time ago, not because you wanted to. You were forced apart, like Romeo and Juliet.'

The tall, distinguishable figure of Wayne Rigsby filled her mind followed quickly by the incidents that led to their break up. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the happy times they shared together, before it became so complicated.

'There was another,' the woman continued. 'Much darker circumstances, a betrayal.'

She opened her eyes to respond, but Van Pelt couldn't find any words. She stared at the woman whose gaze was lowered.

'You're struggling, there is something that you wish to do in life but you've never allowed yourself to do it. You've always been too afraid. Your future is cloudy but the question you want answers to is very clear.'

The woman let go of Van Pelt's hands, her eyes opened and the reading was done. Van Pelt stayed rooted to the spot for a moment, unsure of what it all meant and how it mattered to her in that precise moment in time.

'Turn the sign on your way out,' said the woman, disappearing behind a curtain at the back of the tent.

She did as the fortune teller asked and walked out into the darkened evening. Long ago she'd given up on the idea of a happy ending and the teller's reading only reminded her why. Romance was overrated because it usually ended one way or another. She wasn't about to get hurt again anytime soon, perhaps that's why she hadn't been on a real date in a while. What was the point when any chance of happiness would only lead to pain?

Van Pelt walked along, her eyes focused on the floor as she considered the reading. She tried to make sense of what was going on inside her mind, the feelings she'd felt over the last few days at work and home. She saw a pair of feet in front of her and yet it wasn't enough to stop her from running directly into their owner.

'Rigsby!' she said as she looked up, shaking her head as she rested a hand on his shoulder. 'I am so sorry.'

'It's okay,' he smiled, patting his chest down to his thighs. 'I'm still alive.'

Creasing her brow, Van Pelt glared. 'How can you even joke about that?'

'I'm fine,' he said. 'Tough as old boots. No amount of shootings are going to bring me down.'

The very thought of the shooting still left Van Pelt feeling a little shaken, she'd seen the blood coming from his arm and the pale, clamming skin on his face. He looked the epitome of health and happiness now which was some comfort but what could have happened still haunted her.

'Wheel!'

Van Pelt smiled as Rigsby picked up his son from the floor, resting him on his hip. There were multiple reasons not to laugh and joke about their near miss. If anyone should have been injured it should have been her, she was single and quite frankly a terrible source of company in recent months.

'I promised Ben we'd go on the Ferris wheel,' he said, lifting the little boy up onto his shoulders.

'I was just headed that way myself,' said Van Pelt.

They fell into step as they walked side by side towards the wheel. The last time she'd been on one was with Craig, before that she'd always ended up riding the wheel alone. In high school she'd ridden it with Billy Crispin but after he tried to feel her up she'd slapped him across the face and jumped out as soon as their section had reached the ground.

'Three?' asked the vendor as they reached the front of the queue, Rigsby nodded and Van Pelt followed him into the seat. Ben sat between them, his little hands holding tightly to the bar as Rigsby hooked his hand around a loop in his trousers.

She sometimes wondered what life would have been like had she been the one to have Rigsby's child, it was an idea she'd thought of time and again, even before Sarah had become pregnant. Despite feeling happy for them, she also felt a sense of sadness and disappointment. She moved on first, which made her feelings completely out of line, and Rigsby had a right to happiness. Craig's death had pushed her to do things she didn't normally do, it was only natural that it had made her feelings a little off too. Still, if things had worked out another way…

'Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd stayed together?' she asked, staring out across the star covered sky.

'Sometimes,' said Rigsby, grinning as Ben smiled at him. 'But then I wouldn't have Ben.'

'No, you wouldn't,' she whispered, her voice trailing off into the night.

Reminiscing over the past and wondering what would have happened did nothing but make Van Pelt feel a little sadder. She'd expected Rigsby to agree with her in part about their past relationship, but so much had changed over the last few years that maybe he'd moved on. He _had_ moved on, not just with Sarah but his life. He had a child who depended upon him for everything; all Van Pelt had was the same annoying landlord and a family hundreds of miles away. Where once they were opposite sides of the same coin, they were now different coins entirely and that made Van Pelt feel even worse.

'It's beautiful tonight,' said Rigsby, looking out across the sky.

'Remember that time we sat on the roof of my apartment block and watched the stars?' she asked, blushing slightly.

'I've never forgotten,' said Rigsby, their eyes meeting for a moment before Van Pelt turned her attention back to the stars. 'Hey Ben, what's in the sky?'

''tars!'

'That's right little buddy.'

When the wheel returned to the ground and their turn was over they walked across the courtyard towards a drinks vendor. Rigsby carried Ben who rested his head on his father's shoulder, his eyes flickering closed. Van Pelt checked her watch, time often got away from her when she visited the carnival, no wonder Ben was ready to go to sleep.

'Two sodas please,' said Rigsby.

They sat on a bench and watched passers-by moving around the carnival, a crowd of people exited one of the tents where the last show of the night had ended. Van Pelt turned her attention to a young couple so much in love and she wondered when she reached the point where she didn't want that as much as she once did. Craig's betrayal had left her shattered in more ways than one but her belief in romance and 'the one' hadn't dwindled, not straight away.

'I should get the little guy home,' said Rigsby.

'Oh, okay,' said Van Pelt. She didn't want him to go, even though they'd spent half the evening in near silence, she still didn't want him to leave. She longed for a time where Rigsby would stay out with her 'til the early hours, returning to her apartment with just enough time to make love before a call came in about a case. They'd fuel up on coffee and make up excuses, then after a brief kiss say goodbye.

'I'll see you tomorrow though, at work.'

'You will,' she said, dropping their empty soda cans into a trash can and following him towards the exit. 'See you in the morning.'

'Goodnight, Grace,' he said, placing a small kiss on her cheek. She reached a hand out to his neck and held him there for a moment, lost in memories from the past until she forced herself to not give in to a memory and kiss him properly.

Rigsby carried Ben out into the street and towards his car; Van Pelt watched as they drove away not removing her gaze until they were completely out of sight. Then she sat back down on another bench and looked up at the stars.

The fortune teller had told her to follow her dreams, the things she'd pushed to one side a while ago, the things she was most afraid of. When she'd left the academy she'd wanted to progress, to be the best that she could be at her chosen profession and though she didn't doubt her ability to get there, one day. What happened with Craig had put a spanner in the works; her heart had spilled out on the ground along with her confidence. She closed her eyes and pictured the future, a future that was a far cry from the life she currently lived. The only thing left to do was to find a way to get there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Into The Fire  
**Author:** **miss_peg**  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:** It's been two years since Van Pelt shot Craig O'Laughlin and nothing much has changed, after a difficult start to a new case she finds herself questioning everything until her life unravels and she's forced to make some difficult decisions.  
**Notes:** This definitely isn't the end, so there will be one more chapter. Thanks to tromana for reviewing chapter two.

Van Pelt noted how silent the bullpen was for nine in the morning; she slipped into her chair and blew on her hot mug of coffee. Rigsby had arrived at the same time as Van Pelt and Cho; they'd already gotten over the celebration of his return only to find the mundane task of a near-cold case threatening to suck any life from the room. No matter which way they turned, the case of the mystery woman found in a ravine hit dead ends. The illegal hunters had evaded the law and probably moved on. The woman, who had been identified as a young tourist named Helen Hopkins, lay on a slab in the morgue awaiting the arrival of her family from England.

'Van Pelt, I need to speak with you,' said Lisbon, attracting the attention of the seemingly bored office. Van Pelt slipped an envelope from her desk, hidden by her coffee mug, and walked through the bullpen towards Lisbon's office, still smiling in an attempt to ward off any suspicions from the rest of the team.

When she entered, Lisbon motioned for her to take a seat which she quickly accepted. The silence that followed made her all the more nervous as Lisbon took her time to finally begin.

'I spoke to Director Bertram, he's agreed to your leave of absence effective from tomorrow.'

A sense of relief settled over Van Pelt, though she suspected that Lisbon had called her in for that specific reason, there had been a shadow of lingering doubt. What if she had done something wrong and not realised? Had she made a mistake on a case? The confirmation of her suspicions allowed her to breathe again.

'Erm,' she whispered, barely audible.

'Is there something wrong?' asked Lisbon, her eyebrows creased as she rested her clasped hands on her desk.

Van Pelt hated herself for being so weak, her hands were shaking, something which she managed to disguise behind her hot drink. 'I've changed my mind.'

Lisbon's frown deepened. 'I would have appreciated knowing sooner.'

'I'm sorry, I, I,' she said, placing her mug on the desk and handing over the envelope. She closed her eyes as the sound of the envelope opening filled her mind. The thought of her decision left her with a heavy weight resting on her shoulders, yet she knew that she couldn't turn back now. She'd made the right decision, even if it pained her to do so. Van Pelt opened her eye as Lisbon glanced up from the letter.

'Oh.'

'I only realised yesterday that what I really want is progression, a new challenge,' said Van Pelt, feeling her mind ticking over at supersonic speed until Lisbon's blank face allowed the return of emotion.

'I see.'

She looked angry and there was nothing that Van Pelt could do but watch her eyebrows crease once more. She'd looked up to Lisbon, like a mentor; a friend. The last thing she wanted to do was cause her distress.

'Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed working here, a lot. I'm so grateful to you for everything you've done for me, but it's time for me to move on.'

Finally, Lisbon's face lit up into a smile that reached her eyes and Van Pelt's worries dissipated. 'I understand. I know you have aspirations, when I was your age I was already shooting through the ranks. I'll be sad to see you go, though I've been expecting this for some time.'

Van Pelt smiled back, unsure of what to say as her nerves settled slowly. Instead she reached for her mug of coffee and drank.

'So what are your plans now?' asked Lisbon, tucking the letter back inside its envelope.

'I've been looking at opportunities nearby; I have a friend who works in San Francisco.'

Lisbon looked pensive. 'I'll have a word with a couple of acquaintances; they usually keep me up to speed on any opportunities. You deserve to find something that will give you what you want, Grace.'

'Thank you,' she said, smiling. 'I'd appreciate that.'

Once her unofficial meeting with Lisbon was over, Van Pelt returned her mug to the kitchenette in the hope of there being some more coffee in the machine. Instead she found Jane standing against the counter staring at her.

'I'll miss you,' he said, pouring hot water into his cup.

'How did you know?' Van Pelt asked. 'Did you read that on me?'

Jane laughed lightly. 'I have very big ears.'

Van Pelt rolled her eyes. She was going to miss him too; she was going to miss them all. She turned towards the bullpen, her eyes following Rigsby as he moved about the office like a monkey. She wasn't quite sure what he was intending to do, but Cho seemed unimpressed.

'He'll miss you more than any of us,' said Jane.

'Yeah,' she replied, letting out a long sigh. 'Don't tell anyone, I'm not ready.'

'You have my word,' he assured her as he wandered back towards his couch.

Another mug of coffee in hand and Van Pelt returned to her desk, she could feel her morale dropping ever so slightly at the thought of returning to the current task in hand. Surely there had to be something more they could do to avenge the killer of Helen Hopkins. The last thing she wanted when the girl's parents arrived was to inform them that their daughter's case was destined for a filing cabinet that wouldn't be opened again for a while.

'What was that about?' asked Rigsby as he sat back down.

'Nothing in particular,' she said, though her attention was already elsewhere. She picked up the case files and searched for something that they had to have missed.

By the end of the day Van Pelt wished that she'd been more successful, but the case files had provided little information beyond what they already knew and no amount of research had helped.

'Grace.'

She glanced up from her computer to find Rigsby staring at her, she finished shutting it down before giving him all of her attention.

'What's up?'

'Cho, Jane and I were going to the bar round the corner for a few drinks; celebrate my good health.'

'Have fun,' she said, flicking the button on her computer screen.

'You should come too; Jane's asking Lisbon, though I doubt she'll say yes. It's been a while since we really hung out, I enjoyed last night.'

'Okay, sure,' she said, standing up and slipping her purse over her shoulder.

x

The bar was quiet, which she'd expected considering it was mid-week. Rigsby ordered in the first round of drinks and to everyone's surprise, Lisbon had agreed to join them 'for one'. Inevitably, it took less than five minutes for the topic of work to come up, which Van Pelt was sure was a record. By the third drink they were down to just Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby and by ten pm Cho made his excuses and left.

'Guess it's just us,' said Rigsby, holding up his glass which Van Pelt clinked against her own.

'What you said earlier,' she said. 'I enjoyed last night too.'

'Good.'

They drank in silence until their glasses were empty. Van Pelt considered having another but the thought of drinking too much when she had work the next morning didn't appeal.

'I should probably go,' she said, slipping out of her seat.

'I'll walk you to a cab,' he replied, slipping an arm around her back as they wandered out into the street.

They stood on the sidewalk as they awaited an empty cab, a couple of times Van Pelt spotted one driving along the other side of the road but Rigsby had been too engrossed in a story about Ben that she hadn't the heart to interrupt. Besides, she was enjoying his company, which she hadn't had the chance to do in a long while.

'There's one,' he shouted eventually, and it pulled up beside them.

'Goodnight then,' she said.

'Goodnight,' he replied, leaning down to kiss her cheek. Van Pelt's cheeks flushed slightly as his lip lingered on her skin. When he pulled back, his hand still rested against her cheek.

'I,' she began but words failed her. There was a reason she didn't spend time with Rigsby anymore and it boiled down to one thing; her heart. She'd almost forgotten why she'd stopped going to the bar with Cho and Rigsby. The night always ended with him walking her to her car or helping her to catch a cab. He always kissed her cheek, even after he'd gotten together with Sarah, and she always felt things that she knew she should have kept hidden a long time ago.

Then Rigsby's mouth moved closer, returning to her lips in the briefest of moments, leaving her speechless once more. She stared up into his eyes as he looked down, his lips still parted and his hand still cupping her face.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'Last night I didn't realise what I was doing, I think you feel it too.'

Van Pelt tucked her bottom lip under her top, reveling in the familiar taste of his lips. She sighed softly, though it came out more as a pleasurable moan than anything she had intended.

'I think we both know that things between us never really ended,' said Rigsby, his hand pushing back across her face as though replacing a strand of hair. 'It just, reached a place where we couldn't go any further.'

Her heart thumped loudly inside her chest as she considered what Rigsby was saying. She'd thought of it, of course she had. She knew everything he was telling her and yet she couldn't help but remember her relationship with Craig.

'I did love Craig,' she said, as though justifying the last few years.

'And I loved Sarah,' he replied, a nervous laugh slipping out. 'But I never stopped loving you too.'

'I,' she tried really hard to find something to say; some way of justifying their actions or her desire to give in to every emotion she could feel coursing through her body.

'If you don't feel the same way then I'll stop. I know that it'll get messy again, but we'll make it work, somehow. I promise.'

Van Pelt's mind had raced on ahead, her imagination taking her to Rigsby's bed, to the things that she would do to him given half the chance. He was still talking, still trying to justify his actions, to give her a get out of jail free card. But she didn't need it.

She reached out, slipping a hand around the back of his neck as she pulled him towards her, her tongue moving along his bottom lip. He responded quickly and before she could pause for breath, they were kissing fiercely. When she finally pulled away, she let out a soft moan against his skin.

'Of course I did, I do, Wayne.'

He reached his hands out to embrace her, their lips finding each other again as familiarity took over. She slipped her fingers through his carefully gelled hair, pulling it out of its shape in a careless manner.

'Do you want a ride or not?' the cab driver shouted. Van Pelt and Rigsby pulled apart quickly, as though they'd been caught by their superior.

'Mine?' asked Rigsby, running a finger down Van Pelt's cheek. She nodded briefly and he pulled her into the cab.

The ride was painful to say the least, Van Pelt longed to touch Rigsby in all the places she knew she couldn't. No amount of longing would allow her to sacrifice her morals for the sake of quelling their passion as quickly as possible.

Once in Rigsby's apartment, Van Pelt tossed her purse to one side as they stumbled through to the bedroom. She groaned deeply, her lips retracing the steps of her fingers as she rediscovered every inch of his skin. He followed suit, his fingers slipping under clothing, fumbling with buttons and carelessly abandoning items across the carpet. Van Pelt moaned against his ear as he lifted her onto the bed and they succumbed to years of underlying passion.

x

They lay side by side, tangled up in each other's limbs as their breathing reached a pattern. Van Pelt pressed her lips carefully against his shoulder blade, running her mouth slowly towards his neck.

'What do we do tomorrow?' asked Rigsby, a little more subdued now that the reality of their romance had sunk in.

Van Pelt considered his concerned expression as she rested her head against his chest; she placed a hand against his skin and ran her fingers slowly across the hairs on his chest.

'What if I told you I'm leaving the CBI?' she asked, her voice small. She'd yet to tell him about her resignation, about her plans for the future.

'What? Because of me?' he asked, shifting his position on the bed. Van Pelt pulled away briefly until he'd settled back against the wall.

'No.' She shook her head and sat up beside him. 'Because of me, I don't want to be the rookie forever. I handed in my resignation letter this morning.'

'Oh.'

He sounded disappointed, something which only made her feel worse for keeping her plans from him. But they'd only just reconnected, the thought of breaking her own heart by breaking his was something she'd worried about in the brief moments she'd had to think.

She wrapped her arms around his waist in an attempt to get closer. 'When I left the academy I had a five year plan and staying here was not what I wanted. I only stayed so long because I enjoyed the job and the people.'

'The people?'

'You.'

'Where are you going to go?' he asked, his eyebrows creased. Van Pelt reached up to his face and straightened out the lines with her fingers until the tension in his face disappeared.

'I'm not sure yet,' she said, lifting his hand into her own. She kissed his fingers, one at a time. 'I'm looking at opportunities. Hoping I can get a position in San Francisco.'

'That's not very far.'

'No, it's not,' she replied, a large smile spread across her face.

'Oh,' he said, slipping back down against the mattress.

'Exactly,' said Van Pelt, climbing on top of him as she pressed her lips against Rigsby's. He responded quickly, his hands cupping her hips as he tossed her back against the bed and took her position above. She lay there, submissive to the passionate actions as he made love to her once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Into The Fire  
**Author:** **miss_peg**  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:** It's been two years since Van Pelt shot Craig O'Laughlin and nothing much has changed, after a difficult start to a new case she finds herself questioning everything until her life unravels and she's forced to make some difficult decisions.  
**Notes:** The final chapter and I didn't really want to write this one, but it's done. The story is over. Thanks to tromana for review all of the chapters and everyone who has read them, let me know what you thought. :)

The soft tone of music played out across the room, Van Pelt slipped her arms gently around Rigsby's waist as his fingers slowly traced the edge of her trousers. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in the smells of a long since eaten dinner and the lingering scent of Rigsby's cologne. He swayed his hips, pulling her along with him as they moved to the beat of the song.

It was one of those moments where Van Pelt could have forgotten everything going through her mind; her job prospects, the future she couldn't quite make perfect, the last remnants of feelings come and gone.

The briefest of kisses pulled her away from her thoughts and back into the moment, the perfect moment which she longed to replicate over and over until the world righted itself and she had nothing left to think about. Except for Wayne Rigsby. Van Pelt responded as his lips met hers again, his fingers tugging at the ribbed edge of her sweater until she unleashed every button and allowed him access to her innermost secrets.

Once they'd relaxed into the soft blankets of her bed, her legs wrapped tightly around his skin she let out a long, heavy sigh. She sometimes liked to imagine what it would have been like in the weeks and months that followed Rigsby's son's birth; the skin to skin contact of a little boy sleeping on his fathers' chest. She longed to witness such an intimate moment that eclipsed her own time with Rigsby.

'Not long left,' he said.

'Til what?' she asked, tracing circles across his skin.

'You leave; do you even know where you're going yet?'

The subject had lingered there for longer than she cared to admit, the lack of a solid job offer left her feeling disheartened and fragile. She'd made every effort to source out a new position, had called in favours with everyone she knew to get onto short lists for positions. What worried her was not finding the perfect position, rather, not finding any position. She could barely make her rent as it was what with rising fuel costs and other such expenses.

'Not yet. But I won't be going far,' she assured him, reaching up to kiss him softly on the lips.

'How far are we talking?' he asked, breaking the moment abruptly.

'Couple hours.'

'Oh.'

In the couple of weeks that they'd been together, Van Pelt had said little about her plans for fear of counting her chickens before they'd hatched. Now that she had no clue whether they ever would, she didn't see much point in hiding her intention to stay as close to Sacramento as she could. After all, why should Rigsby suffer when she was the one moving on?

'We could still see each other,' she assured him, straddling him as she stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. 'I can live a bit further from work…and maybe, one day, you could too.'

Rigsby smiled his widest grin and captured her mouth quickly, pulling her from her stable position above him until he'd wrapped himself around her once more.

x

The office felt strange when Van Pelt walked into the bullpen the next morning, despite her lack of job offers the realisation that she had only weeks left made her feel a little sad. The CBI had been good to her, more than good; it had been the best education she could have asked for post-college diploma. She'd met some good people. Despite her woeful feelings, Van Pelt set to work, if she was going to have to wait to live out her dreams, she was going to make every second count.

Around lunchtime, Van Pelt stepped up to Lisbon's office door and gave it a gentle tap, when Lisbon looked up, she pushed open the door and waited a moment.

'Boss, I think I've got something,' she said, a manila file resting on her arm.

'About the Shaw case? Already?' asked Lisbon.

'Erm, no, the Hopkins case.'

Van Pelt reviewed the slip of paper she'd added to the file moments earlier as she avoided Lisbon's gaze.

'The Hopkins case,' Lisbon asked, frowning. 'From a fortnight ago?'

'I know it's a cold case,' said Van Pelt. 'I just couldn't help feel like I had to do something about it. I don't want to leave without closing it.'

Lisbon sighed, her eyes never faltering as she stared at her. Van Pelt lowered her arm and shifted her position. She knew she'd overstepped the mark. Cold cases were cold for a reason, with little evidence there wasn't a lot to go off. She knew that within days of the case being handed to them and yet, when she'd met with the girl's parents, she couldn't help but promise to catch the person that killed their daughter.

'Sit down, Grace.'

'What is it, Boss?' asked Van Pelt, her heart beating a little faster as her hands became clammy. Even after all these years she still felt unnerved when Lisbon looked at her seriously.

'I wanted to ask how you're getting on looking for another job,' she said, her hands clasped in front of her. Van Pelt smiled, her nerves settling quickly. 'Still not found anything?'

'Not yet, I have a few meetings next week.'

'That's great,' said Lisbon, before she paused. 'I've got something I'd like to speak to you about; I have a friend who moved to New York a couple of years ago. She's heading up a new team to do with cyber-crime with the FBI over in Albany. I put your name forward and she wants to meet you.'

Lisbon's words slowly sunk in as Van Pelt repeated them over in her mind. She'd always taken an interest in the computer based aspect of the job, she knew better than most her way around a computer system. Being a younger member of the team meant that her skill was unique, though she'd never considered it to be something she could expand upon.

'In Albany,' she said, her voice trailing off into silence. After everything she'd been through since arriving, California had become her home. She liked the people, the weather and well, Rigsby was there. But there were few job opportunities she would have killed to become a part of. She'd had a friend from the Academy who joined a cyber-crimes unit in the mid-west and now he was flying around the world on a monthly basis. Without meaning to, Van Pelt could feel a bubble of excitement fluttering around inside her stomach.

'I know you were hoping to stay close by, it hasn't escaped my attention that something has been going on between you and Rigsby.'

Van Pelt glanced up quickly, her eyes wide. The very thought of her relationship with Rigsby ruining a chance of a lifetime made her sick to the stomach, this had been the very reason they had broken up before. She couldn't allow either of them to have regrets which made them feel bitter further down the line.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, but Lisbon didn't look as angry as she had the last time.

'Considering you're leaving soon, I think we can let it slide. This would be a fantastic opportunity for you, Grace; a step in the right direction for your career.'

Naturally, Van Pelt could feel her insecurities fighting with the excitement as she worried about her suitability for the job. Then she repeated Lisbon's words in her mind.

'It would,' she agreed, struggling to forge a smile.

'I have faith in you,' said Lisbon, reaching forward and resting one of her hands on top of Van Pelt's. She frowned in response before allowing herself to smile. 'I'm even willing to allow you an extra couple of days out there in case you're interested and want to look into where is best to move to.'

Van Pelt shook her head, flabbergasted. Then before she could let herself feel any more excited over the prospect, she pulled herself back in. There were no guarantees. 'I don't know what to say,'

'You don't need to say anything,' said Lisbon. 'Consider it a parting gift.'

'Thank you, thank you Teresa.'

'Lisbon.' She raised an eyebrow and Van Pelt reddened.

'Sorry, Lisbon. I didn't mean to,' her voice trailed off, then she spotted the smile on Lisbon's face.

'I'm only your boss for another few weeks.'

x

'Everything alright?' asked Rigsby as Van Pelt returned to the bullpen.

'Sure,' she smiled a brief smile and sat back down at her desk. Rigsby smiled back and returned to work.

The last thing she wanted to do was lie to him, but the thought of sharing her news made her feel a little numb. She would have to tell him eventually, especially if she was offered the position. After all, commuting between California and New York would be impossible. She wasn't ready to have him bring her back down to earth. For now, she just wanted some time to think about what would happen if she was given a position with the FBI.

x

New York was a state that Van Pelt had only visited once; she'd taken a trip to New York City with a couple of her girlfriends just after they'd graduated from college. They'd spent a week in a run-down hotel room with a broken kettle and hairs in the shower. The bliss of being in a city that everyone roamed about, a city she'd only seen in movies or on television had far outweighed the cons that they were faced with. It had been one of the greatest trips of her life. The thought of living a two hour drive away was exhilarating.

She met up with Lisbon's friend, Eleanor McGreevy, first thing after arriving. The flight itself had been tumultuous as Van Pelt had spent the time reading up on various pieces of information she'd printed off the internet. In her distracted state she'd spilt water on the air hostess and ended up with a lap full of pretzels. To say she was ready to meet Agent McGreevy within an hour of arriving in New York would have been a complete overstatement.

'Agent Van Pelt,' McGreevy smiled, shaking her hand abruptly and showing her to a small table.

Van Pelt listened to her as she explained the position, the ins and outs of the job and what would be expected of her. Though McGreevy knew little about the day to day routine of the CBI, she explained what might be different about the Federal Bureau of Investigations and asked plenty of questions that made Van Pelt feel wholly inadequate for the position.

'Does that sound like something you're interested in doing?' asked McGreevy with a small smile.

'Definitely,' said Van Pelt, trying her best to return the gesture.

A dozen or so questions later and Van Pelt was shaking McGreevy's hand once more as they stood by the exit. Van Pelt tried to remember any final questions she had for the woman, beyond the more personal queries about Lisbon's younger years.

'Thank you very much,' said Van Pelt for the fourth time as she slung her purse over her shoulder.

'I'll call you as soon as I can.'

After retreating to a small café a short walk from the FBI headquarters, Van Pelt nursed a latte like her life depended on it. Questions overflowed in her mind until she could barely process each one individually, how soon was, did Rigsby know, would Lisbon, what about Red? She popped a couple of aspirin and took another sip of her latte. The liquid had nearly gone cold, but she finished it off anyway. Then she returned to her motel where she lay on her back staring up at the yellowing ceiling. She'd never wanted anything more in her life, other than to become a cop in the first place.

Her cell phone rang out waking Van Pelt up from a nap; the sky outside was still brightly lit. Without checking who was calling, Van Pelt answered the phone with a yawn.

'Oh, Agent McGreevy,' she muttered, apologising quickly and sitting up on the bed. She listened to every word on the other end of the phone, her heart racing along to the rhythm of her words until there was nothing left to say.

x

The first person Van Pelt saw when she got off the plane was Rigsby; she'd called him up on the cab ride back to her apartment and asked him to meet her there. She couldn't lie to him any longer.

'Do you have a new job?' he asked, grinning down at her as he enveloped her in the biggest of hugs in the middle of her apartment.

'I lied to you,' she replied, pulling away from him. His brow creased and she felt her heart sink. 'I didn't go to Fresno.'

Rigsby scratched his head. 'I did think four days was a long time for somewhere we visit on a monthly basis.'

She tried to smile but emotions had already sought to overwhelm her. His lack of anger at her white lie reminded her how lucky she had been to meet someone as sweet and generous as Wayne Rigsby.

'So where did you go?'

'Albany.'

'Albany, California, or Albany, New York?'

A silence followed, Van Pelt could barely open her mouth to speak, let alone answer him.

'It's New York, isn't it?'

Van Pelt nodded as Rigsby's head lowered.

They both knew why she had chosen to tell him the truth; she'd never been very good at lying to him after all.

'She called me up an hour after the interview,' Van Pelt explained. 'She wants me on her team.'

'So where does this leave us?' asked Rigsby, sitting down on her couch. She lowered herself down beside him and took his hand.

'If there was a way that I could have everything I want, it would be me and you in Albany making a life for ourselves.'

Rigsby's smile barely reached the corners of his lips let alone his eyes. 'I could move, for you.'

'No,' Van Pelt shook her head. They'd been over the same subject time and again, this time their lives were very different and she couldn't pretend otherwise. 'I can't let you do that to your life with Ben. I won't let you be a part time father when I know you want to be there all the time.'

'Maybe I could talk to Sarah,' he tried, but as his words trailed off into the silence, they both knew that nothing could change the way the conversation would end.

'I guess we're just not meant to be,' said sighed, cupping his cheeks with both hands.

She reached forward and kissed him softly until he reacted. A sense of anger, hope, realisation and love pushed them through as they unbuttoned, unzipped and ripped each other's clothes from their bodies. An insatiable lust guided them to the floor, to the line of touch crossing over their skin followed by kisses and the thrust of their bodies against each other.

When all was said and done, Rigsby left the apartment and Van Pelt lay on her couch staring up at the ceiling. She longed for a simpler time where money and ambition mattered little and the desire to meet the love of her life won out over everything else.

x

As she wrapped up her final day with the CBI, Van Pelt could feel herself growing lighter. Her life there had been so tangled up with everyone else's that it felt like someone had cut the strings on her mannequin self. No longer would she need to grow tired with Jane's inability to open up about his feelings, or frustrated whenever Jane and Lisbon failed recognise their obvious sexual tension. Cho's stoic expressions wouldn't confuse her and the desire to forget about her feelings for Rigsby would never need to consume her again. All of that aside, and she felt sad at the departure. She'd grown up a lot inside those four walls; she'd loved and lost, she'd become a better agent and she'd met the most amazing friends she could ever wish for.

But time moved on and so would she.

When she entered the bullpen for the last time, she smiled at her work colleagues as they gathered around her with a cake and glasses of champagne. She shook hands with Lisbon and Cho, gave Jane the biggest hug and even shared one final kiss with Rigsby. She expected she'd see them again one day, but for now, she would make new friends, find new loves and hope that her life would be better for the time she spent at the CBI.

**THE END**


End file.
